Arizona R.I.P.

Max won’t mind if I interrupt his story to mention the passing of a great and worthy cat: my own Arizona, aged 20, last night at the vet. After an afternoon of increasing distress, we did what we knew had to be done, and Arizona and I took our last journey together. He died with his head in my hand, while the Ent held his front paw.

A vulgar little tumour was what got him in the end. A silent, hidden enemy that ambushed us, but luckily, one that troubled Arizona only fleetingly. With hindsight, I can see where he may have had a few moments of discomfort in the last year, but nothing significant, nothing that stopped him eating with gusto, playing with his toys, jogging down the corridor for his breakfast in the morning, purring deeply and with great feeling.

I cannot express how much I miss him, less than 24 hours later. I am mute with grief, all words seem too little and too ordinary. I just want to be alone.

I explained to him that in his dotage, he could not go outside after dark because an owl would swoop and carry his bony arse away. We can hear owls at night, in the distance, from our bedroom.

Last night, a lone owl, very close, in the garden, called several times as I got into bed. I lay there in the dark, listening to it.

Fanciful, but I think my Arizona shared one last little joke with me there, and also told me he was fine. No pain, no worry, no regrets about a great life and our time together.

No regrets from me either, other than I wish our critters had a longer life span to match our own, because letting them go is so hard.

I would like to say that Max was all sympathy and understanding, but that, indeed, would be fanciful.

His head was over his stable door when I arrived at the yard, and I thought, “He knows I need him!” then corrected myself with, “He’s hungry”, which was the more accurate statement.

It was true. The hay provided was not up to standard, and he was waiting for me to fix it, which I did. But the “gimme a kiss” was there, without me having to ask for it, and he didn’t mind that I didn’t have a pony nut in payment.

The yard work was slow today – I lacked energy, focus, strength.

These things will come back, but Arizona won’t. Perhaps one day, another cat will delight me, but never replace him. At the moment, the Ent can’t contemplate having another cat here, but I think it’s just what’s needed. Another little soul who needs a good home, and a good home that sorely needs a cat or two.

Good bye, kitten, my kitten. I miss you so...